No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
