Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
