thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
