Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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