you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
