I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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