she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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