I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You are a genius and a whore.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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