This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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