Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
