Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
