His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
