She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
