Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
