the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
