So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
