Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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