What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
