Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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