are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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