Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
