i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
