I just cut my nipple shaving
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
