I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I touched a dick in church today
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
