Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
