I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
