this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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