I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
