I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
