did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
