she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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