Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
