so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize