Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
