I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
