Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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