Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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