I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
