Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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