i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize