Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
