she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
