Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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