just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
