shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize