I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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