took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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