Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
