I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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