Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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