Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize