Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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