hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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