New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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