I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
