part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
