last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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