yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize