I wish i was in the wii world.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Never underestimate the power of titties
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
