There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
