I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
