mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
