Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
