So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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