What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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