Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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