I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
