idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
