My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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