Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
