I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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